The Lost Art of Hard-Boiling Egg Yolks for The Computer Mouse/Mice
Millennials are the last to experience this fascinating technological phenomenon.
In the whimsical annals of technological improvisation, there exists a peculiar chapter dedicated to the hard-boiled egg yolk, once the unsung hero of the computer mouse. Picture this: the year is 1981, and the computer mouse is a novel contraption, a luxury as much as a tool. But alas, the rubber ball that grants the mouse its mobility is prone to vanishing, spirited away by mischievous office sprites or perhaps just rolling into the abyss behind desks. Enter the hard-boiled egg yolk, nature’s perfect sphere, and the savior of spreadsheet navigators everywhere.
The notion that one must boil an egg yolk every week is a bit of an exaggeration. The boiling frequency is more so once a month if you knew some secret techniques after boiling the egg yolk to further preserve its perfect sphericity, unless of course, the egg yolk ball gets detached from the mouse and rolls under the desk. What is this secret technique? Read on.
To achieve the perfect yolk sphere, one must embark on a culinary quest of precision. Begin with eggs of the finest pedigree, preferably laid by chickens who understand the gravity of their task. Boil these eggs with a vigilance that borders on the obsessive, ensuring the yolks reach a state of firmness that rivals the resolve of the most steadfast.
Let’s make the perfect hard-boiled eggs for computer mice.
Start by placing your eggs in a single layer at the bottom of a pot. Cover the eggs with enough water so that there’s about an inch of water above them.
Heat the pot on high and bring the water to a boil. Once boiling, reduce the heat to low, cover the pot, and let it simmer for one minute.
After a minute, remove the pot from heat and leave it covered for about 12 minutes.
Finally, transfer the eggs to a bowl of ice water to cool down quickly and stop the cooking process. This method helps prevent the green ring from forming around the yolks and ensures your eggs are easy to peel. Many people forget this step, and that’s why you will see photos of most computer mice balls as a bit grayish, not yellow.
Once boiled, the real artistry begins. The yolks must be liberated from their albumen shells with the delicacy of a bomb defuser and the precision of a watchmaker. Carefully use a butter knife or similar tool to free the sphere.
Now, the sculpting of the yolk. This is where the office kitchen transforms into a studio, where every cubicle dweller becomes Michelangelo, chiseling away at their eggy medium. The goal: a sphere so smooth and round that it could be mistaken for the work of the celestial bodies themselves. Some opt to roll the yolk around on a piece of sandpaper to do this.
Now what is the secret technique I’ve been holding back? Many forget to mention that the egg yolk must first be coated in a film of thin glue and then dried. Elmer’s white glue is the preferred medium. There are a few ways to impart the glue on the egg yolk sphere, but lightly brushing the glue on the sphere is one, and dipping the egg yolk in a mixture of glue and water is another, and letting it dry on the windowsill. This seals the yolk from producing a worst smell and also to help maintain its structural integrity.
Finally, this yolk sphere is then nestled into the belly of the mouse, a transplant that revives the device to its full, cursor-moving glory.
The result? A mouse that glides across mousepads with the grace of a ballerina, a cursor that dances across the screen with newfound zest. Productivity soars, as does the demand for hard-boiled eggs. Chickens become the new tycoons of the tech world, and egg farmers the barons of industry. The hard-boiled yolk mouse ball becomes a symbol of innovation, a testament to human ingenuity, and a reminder that sometimes, the best solutions are not found in silicon, but in the simple egg.
Of course, this satirical stroll down memory lane is just that — a playful jest. The reality is that mouse balls were never made of egg yolks, but of rubber and steel. Yet, in the spirit of satire, we can chuckle at the absurdity and marvel at the ingenuity that real technological advancements inspire. And who knows? In some alternate universe, the egg yolk mouse might just be the greatest invention that never was.
